The unthinkable

The absolute unthinkable happened.

I’ve spent the last 24 hours oscillating through holding it together and breaking into tears.

My friend has passed away.

I didn’t make a single call today because I think I would have broken down if someone had even answered the phone to me.

I wasn’t prepared for this and it’s been really hard. He wasn’t just my boss, he was my mentor, my friend and someone I trusted deeply to give me honest advice and feedback no matter what. He was a rare sort of character who was genuinely kind to everyone he met and always had time for others. He always helped those who asked and always tried to help those who didn’t.

I joined this company because I believed in him. In who he was and what he was capable of.

Now I feel guilty that I was laughing that this would just be a funny story we could chuckle about that our leader disappeared for a week. Not that he’d never come back. I regret not being able to see him on Thursday last week

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t even know if I’ll still have this job by Christmas. Whether we should even try and fight on for ourselves or in his memory.

I am really struggling. I am crying again.